What to do when your middle schooler makes a bad choice

In a world of peer pressure, impulsivity, and TikTok, how can we, as middle school educators, guide our students to being their best possible selves? Here are some ways we can help middle schoolers make good decisions.

Teen Brains

Teen brains are still developing, and the slowest part to develop is the control center. It is perfectly normal for students to try to figure how how far they can push the envelope.

When my daughter was 3 years old, she wanted to pick out her own clothes. But her closet was filled with great outfits and she loved them all and the act of choosing was completely overwhelming for her. So I gave her three outfits every day to choose from. Winner winner chicken dinner. She got to feel a sense of control about something important to her, and I got out the door in less than an hour.

The developing teen brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in regions associated with decision-making and impulse control. During adolescence, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thinking and decision-making, is still maturing, while the limbic system, involved in emotions and reward processing, is highly active. This imbalance often leads teens to make impulsive and sometimes poor choices. Factors such as peer influence, sensation-seeking behavior, and hormonal fluctuations further contribute to this propensity for risky decision-making. Understanding these neurological changes can help educators, parents, and policymakers implement strategies to support teens in making better choices, such as providing education on risk assessment, promoting healthy coping mechanisms, and fostering positive peer relationships.

Teens need a sense of control over their worlds. But they don’t always make the correct decisions when there are too many options to pick from. A lack of boundaries is overwhelming for middle schoolers in much the same way that excessively long menu options in a diner make choosing what to order difficult. Part of our job is to help our middle schoolers learn to make good decisions.

Bad Choices

Remember devious licks? It was a phenomenon in 2021 when students posted videos on TikTok of themselves vandalizing items in their school, most notably bathrooms. Some students posted videos of themselves stealing paper towel dispensers, toilet paper rolls, mirrors, even ceiling tiles. The students in my school followed the trend and our school’s response was heightened bathroom monitoring. Teachers were asked to sit outside the bathroom and record the names of students using the bathroom throughout the day. I’m not sure our response helped at all, but eventually the vandals got tired of their pranks and moved on to bigger and better things like the Slap A Teacher challenge. Schools responded by installing more security cams, hiring school resource officers, and increasing the hall monitoring responsibilities of teachers.

All that faded, thankfully. Most school never developed a way to prevent such shenanigans, only a way to catch students and punish them.

But this year feels different. While students aren’t posting their adventures on TikTok, they’ve started playing pranks for no benefit at all. Stealing another student’s ID or cell phone, breaking someone’s chromebook, stealing a teacher’s flash drive or tape dispensers have all become (unfortunately) a common part of middle school this year. When they’re caught, students deny the accusation. Their parents often believe them and administration has to rely on cameras for evidence because eye witnesses aren’t trustworthy or reliable any more. Accused students say it was “just a joke” as if vandalizing their teacher’s desk or urinating on the bathroom floor were funny in any way.

These are middle schoolers. Children who, it is reasonable to assume, should know better. And many do. But every year we set new records for numbers of detentions and suspensions. Every year, we more than double the previous year’s record of bullying incidents. How can we help middle schoolers make good decisions?

I don’t have the solution

I’m not even sure there is a solution – kids have to navigate adolescence by themselves. But I know how to help students make better choices. Here are some things to try:

• Reward good choices, in whatever way that looks like in your classroom. A word of praise, a piece of candy, or a phone call home with a compliment work wonders.
• Set clear expectations. Clearly define boundaries and consistently reinforce them to help teens understand the consequences of their actions. Knowing what appropriate behavior looks like helps middle schoolers make good decisions.
• Teach problem solving skills. Equip your students with the tools necessary to assess situations, identify possible solutions, and make informed decisions.
• Provide consequences. Criminal behavior needs to be punished.  Consequences need to be immediate and consistent.
• Students need to make reparations for damage they’ve caused. They should be made to pay for stolen or broken items. “I’m sorry” or a 3 day suspension doesn’t replace the broken bathroom sink.
• Keep them busy. Students with engaging and appropriately challenging work don’t have time to bother with pranks. I know that sounds simplistic, but all misbehavior occurs during “down time.”  Minimize the down time.

Grow Up

Everyone grows up eventually, but a very wise principal once said to me, “Faces may change but behaviors repeat.” The kid whose driving you nuts this year will move on to the next grade eventually, but you’ll still have to deal with the behaviors that drove you nuts when another child takes his place. Smart educators learn how to manage them.